you are the missing piece.

it's been more than a month, i think, when I decided to end what we had. Our relationship was almost perfect, I really thought, it would last, pero hindi ko kaya. Hindi ko kayang magsinungaling sa tatay ko that time. We wer oth hurt, lalo na ikaw, pero I was hurt as well. Still hurt. And it has been like, more than 3 weeks since you last texted me. the day I told you na wala na talaga. You know what? I am waiting for you to text me again. Everytime my phone beeps, my heart skips a beat, I don't know if Im going to open the meesage, cause it might be you. Pero nadidisappoint lang ako lagi, kasi no message from you. Hindi ko alam kung ano na nangyayari sayo, if ok ka lang or whatever, but I really hope na ok ka. I super miss you na, sobra. Hindi ako nanghihinayang dun sa boyfriend-girlfriend relationship natin, pero hinayang na hinayang ako sa friendship natin. I considered you as my bestfriend. You were there for me when no one else was. No matter how happy my day is, I always end up crying and thinking of you. itext mo naman na ako, kasi sobrang miss na miss na kita. Andakit na ng nararamdaman ko :( sasabog na ako.

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend.

Here I go again. Typing these silly words. So what happened? actually, long story.

Things happened. Sad things. I was already moving on, then suddenly you'll say that you want me in your life again. I felt like a cheap girl when you said "hindi ko na kaya, magkita tayo", I was like, fvck, what does he think of me? ha? Iniwan mo then bigla mo nalang babalikan? seriously? O.o

Ngayon, nagiisip ako, iniisip ko kung pinagisipan ko ba yung sinabi kong ayaw ko na, oo, pinagisipan ko yun. Antagal kong pinagisipan. and it was a hard decision for me.

ayaw ko ng pahabain ko. All I want to say here is, It will be hard for me to accept na hindi ka na part ng life ko. Hindi naman masakit sakin yung fact na wala na tayo, na wala na tayong pagasa or something, ang masakit sakin, nwalan ako ng kaibigan, ng best friend, ng kausap lagi, nawala ka. Pero kailangan kasi e, ayaw na kitang saktan. Ayoko na. Kaya kailangan kong maging masama sayo. kailangan kong sabihin sayo yung mga bagay na yun para kamuhian mo ako ng sobra at para kalimutan mo ng mahal mo ako..

My bestfriend (boy)

We started as enemies. he made bullying as a hobby when we were on our elementary years. then blah blah blah. Never thought he had some feelings for me until one of his friends told me he likes me.

Christmas 2010, he texted. I replied. We bet about the torpe thingy. He had to prove that he is not torpe. Winner takes 1k. I lost, but I didn't give him 1k. HAHA! he said, enough na daw ako as the prize.

ilang beses ko din siyang tinurn down this year. Pero we always ended up texting with each other uli. Then yun, there came a time na things were going serious between the two us. Regular tambays. Him fetching me at school. and tambay in our condo.

He was my first kiss. That means he's super important in my life. I trust him enough to give him my FIRST kiss ever with a guy (except my dad and brothers). He's the most special guy in my life right now(again except my dad and my brothers).

I think he's atat na to call me as his girl. Nagsawa na ako sa paulit ulit na pagtatanong niya kung kailan ko siya sasagutin. He asked and asked and asked and

asked and asked and asked, did I say he asked? He did ask a lot!

September 29,2011, he asked again, I said yes, 1. for him to stop

asking and 2. to give him a chance 3. to give myself a chance to love again. So officially, I am his girl. He said he wants to cry daw that time. I wasn't supposed to cry that time pero hindi ko napigilan when I told him not to change.

Days and days have passed. Nothing has changed talaga! And that was not the "don't change" I told him. I didn't feel that he was my boyfriend that time. More of a bestfriend. He's more of a word person rather than an action. Sometimes, I can't feel his sincerity and effort, sometimes lang naman.

pero days with him were so happy. I treasure every day we were together. He is my bestfriend. he was always there for me when my friends ar too busy with their school stuffs. He was always there to make me happy all the time. he cared for me too much.

Everyday that we were together was memorable and worth remembering. I also value small things. I remembered when I told him that my things are too heavy and he told me he'll fetch me at my school. sweet! :"> And when he slept over our place because I'm afraid to be left alone.

But I haven't change. Im still afraid of commitment. And I can't handle a relationship for a long time. Akala ko this time, makaka-2 months na ako sa relationship, pero hindi pala. almost 3 weeks na kaming hindi nagkikita that time(actually nagkita kami sa debut ni pat pero di naman masyadong nakapagusap). He told me na hindi niya daw maramdaman na girlfriend niya ako, and I was hurt when he said that, I know it;s true naman e, cause I am not really the showy, sweet type of girl I was hurt kasi he knows that I sacrificed a lot of time just to be with him. That I gave him my full trust, and he was my first kiss. Sana naisip niya nalang yun. And nagsinungaling ako sa parents ko para sakanya and I let him stay in our condo, which is a no no dapat!

Then I broke up with him, not because I don't love him but because I don't want commitment. It's a big responsibilty and it's too hard to handle. anf maybe, just maybe, natatakot ako na sobrang maattach and baka dumating yung araw na ako na yung sobrang nagmamahal, tapos siya yung biglang bumitaw, na mas masakit.

Now, bestfriend ko nalang muna siya. oo, nagregret ako na ginawa ko yun. Pero ayoko pa rin na makipagbalikan. I know I'll get hurt if makakahanap siya ng bago, pero I'll be fine, I'll be happy for him pa. Dito naman talaga kami nagstart, as bestfriends.

AND my message for him; Sana wag mo akong iwan, as you said before. Sorry if hindi ko pa kaya. Natatakot lang talaga ako siguro ako masaktan ng sobra sobra. Ambigat ng feeling ko ngayon, kasi I super miss you na. 4 weeks na tayong di nagkakasama eeee. I want to talk to you like before na eee.. Wala na kasi akong napagsheshare-an ng mga stories ko eee :( Kaso hindi pa kasi bukal sa loob mo na friends nalang muna tayo. I really miss you. As in. Mahal na mahal kita, kaso mas nangingibabaw ang takot sakin. Sorry.

Words I want to tell you right now

I miss you. I really do. Bakit kasi ginawa ko pa yun? Sana hinayaan ko nalang. Sana di nalang kita inignore at pinaniwala ko na lang sarili ko na mahal talaga kita.

I lost a friend. Namimiss kita kasi wala na akong kausap lagi. Wala na yung taong pinagkwekwentuhan ko ng mga nangyari sa araw ko, yung pinagsasabihan ko kapag naiinis ako or masaya ako or whatever.

Sinabi ko dati na masaya ako kahit wala ka, pero mas masaya kapag nandiyan ka. I wish, I could turn back time, na sana di ko nalang sinabi yung mga yun.

Sana naging makulit ka pa. Sana hindi ka sumuko kaagad. Sana namimiss mo din ako. Sana masabi ko ito sayo, kaso ayoko ng manggulo.

You could have stayed, and we could have continued this journey.

I'm just a text away, text me na. tell me you miss me too, please? I miss you so much, na minsan, gusto ko nalang itapon phone ko, kasi alam ko na hindi mo na ako itetext, minsan, I stare at my phone, kaso wala ka paring text.

Hindi man kita ganun kamahal, you're a special person to me, I love you more than a friend, pero hindi nga lang enough para sa gf bf relationship. I want you back into my life. I let go you go kasi baka ayaw mong magsettle sa ganun.

Please go back. I'll accept you naman e. Promise. :'(

UNPLANNED MOMENTS

so it was a thursday(JUNE 23,2011) when it happened. HAHA. it was during our testing time, me, tanya, michael, giselle and zia were left in our room with MAMA TERRY, haha! We were waiting for zia to finish stuffs. Eh I'm not in the mood to go home pa and it was raining hard and I DONT HAVE AN UMBRELLA. HAHA :D nasira kasi.HAHA. So yun, I told them na magdinner muna kami, no one objected, so we went to the mall. Then Zia suggested na mag CHICKEN ALL YOU CAN kami sa max. so we rushed and everybody was excited. HAHA.

(ME,MICHAEL AND ZIA-----waiting for our chickens!)

So yun, super laughtrip, I was laughing so hard that time. Happiness. No one, as in zero of us thought about the rain while we were eating. Who cares? HAHA. JK.


(TOO MANY BONES! HAHA. ---after eating,joke.di pa pala)

I didnt get to have a picture of the bones after eating kasi kuya waiter was so shy to pose for us. Gusto ko kasi sana na kasama siya. HAHA :D

So when we left max and decided to go home, OMG, abot tuhod ang baha. What to do? HAHA. tanya said, stay and sleep in SM manila. G wants to go home, and ME, kahit ano! hAHA :D after so many talks and minutes had passsed, we decided to face the flood with icky plastics, cockroaches and rats and many more.


(FALCON DUCKLINGS.HAHA. OO, NAKUHA PA NAMIN MAGPICTURE)

So pagkarating sa underpass, we parted ways na. Zia and me were together. Akala ko tapos na, pero di pa pala. Ang hopeless ng rides. So we decided to walk, hanggang ESPANYA. kaloka! pero experience na yun. HAHA. feel namin ni Z na kasali kami sa AMAZING RACE. HAHA :D

WALA AKONG PINAGSISISIHAN SA ARAW NA YUN. NAGING MASAYA AKO, AT KASAMA KO MGA AMAZING FRIENDS KO :D. HAHA. UNPLANNED MOMENTS ARE THE BEST! SANA MAULIT ;p

pending question

I told myself, I'll never think of you anymore. But I really really want to know, Do you really love her more than me? Do you still love me? If I ask you to stay, will you not go? Do you still love me? Kasi ako, I am sure that I am in love with you, but I don't want to bother you anymore. SO I'll just shut up and let you love her.

Why our time never match? ( kunwaring poem. Haha)

9 years had passed since we first met in class. 
We were both under sir farinas
I think we were in the 4th row
And you tease me almost every hour

I hate being near you in class 
Cause you pissed me off so much
I remember always boxing you
Cause that's the only thing I can do

The next grade, i thought we'll be apart
But then I wasnt right
We're still in one section
And God knows how much I hate that

In our final year of our elementary life
Unfortunately, we're both under  st. Rose of lima
You're not yet tired of teasing me
And Im bored of your silly jokes

At last, high school came
And guess what, finally we're apart
I belong in the science section
And you're bitter to be in the general section

One day somebody told me a secret
A secret that was hidden for a long time
I was shocked when I heard it
And didnt believe them so I ignored it

Then suddenly, a message appeared in my phone
I asked who it was and you said it's you
I asked if the secret is true
You said yes and tried to prove it to me

There was no luck for you
Cause my heart beats for someone else
You tried again, and again and again
But I guess it's not your fate

  
I had relationship with others
And you also loved someone else too
I loved the guy but we're opposites
Girls loved you also, but you Ignored it

Christmas 2010 came, and we played a game
Whoever loses wins a prize
I was so sure that I will win
I lost, but you didn't get a prize

You showed me too much love
And I gave you a BIG NO
I'm afraid that I'll hurt you
Didn't think I already did

I was afraid to fall in love again
To get hurt and cry, I avoid
I told you it will never be US
So you'll disappear like a dust

While you're not here, I think.  
I guess, Im ready to love you
It's time to be mature
It' time to face my fear

I asked God a sign,
If you text me, I'll tell you
Before the day ended, you beeped me
But it's too late, it's not my fate

It broke my heart when I read the text
I was ready to take risk
But you already found someone else
Told me you love her more than me   

Why our time never match?
You love me, I love someone else
You love me, Im confused
I love you, but now you love her.
When will our time match?