My bestfriend (boy)

We started as enemies. he made bullying as a hobby when we were on our elementary years. then blah blah blah. Never thought he had some feelings for me until one of his friends told me he likes me.

Christmas 2010, he texted. I replied. We bet about the torpe thingy. He had to prove that he is not torpe. Winner takes 1k. I lost, but I didn't give him 1k. HAHA! he said, enough na daw ako as the prize.

ilang beses ko din siyang tinurn down this year. Pero we always ended up texting with each other uli. Then yun, there came a time na things were going serious between the two us. Regular tambays. Him fetching me at school. and tambay in our condo.

He was my first kiss. That means he's super important in my life. I trust him enough to give him my FIRST kiss ever with a guy (except my dad and brothers). He's the most special guy in my life right now(again except my dad and my brothers).

I think he's atat na to call me as his girl. Nagsawa na ako sa paulit ulit na pagtatanong niya kung kailan ko siya sasagutin. He asked and asked and asked and

asked and asked and asked, did I say he asked? He did ask a lot!

September 29,2011, he asked again, I said yes, 1. for him to stop

asking and 2. to give him a chance 3. to give myself a chance to love again. So officially, I am his girl. He said he wants to cry daw that time. I wasn't supposed to cry that time pero hindi ko napigilan when I told him not to change.

Days and days have passed. Nothing has changed talaga! And that was not the "don't change" I told him. I didn't feel that he was my boyfriend that time. More of a bestfriend. He's more of a word person rather than an action. Sometimes, I can't feel his sincerity and effort, sometimes lang naman.

pero days with him were so happy. I treasure every day we were together. He is my bestfriend. he was always there for me when my friends ar too busy with their school stuffs. He was always there to make me happy all the time. he cared for me too much.

Everyday that we were together was memorable and worth remembering. I also value small things. I remembered when I told him that my things are too heavy and he told me he'll fetch me at my school. sweet! :"> And when he slept over our place because I'm afraid to be left alone.

But I haven't change. Im still afraid of commitment. And I can't handle a relationship for a long time. Akala ko this time, makaka-2 months na ako sa relationship, pero hindi pala. almost 3 weeks na kaming hindi nagkikita that time(actually nagkita kami sa debut ni pat pero di naman masyadong nakapagusap). He told me na hindi niya daw maramdaman na girlfriend niya ako, and I was hurt when he said that, I know it;s true naman e, cause I am not really the showy, sweet type of girl I was hurt kasi he knows that I sacrificed a lot of time just to be with him. That I gave him my full trust, and he was my first kiss. Sana naisip niya nalang yun. And nagsinungaling ako sa parents ko para sakanya and I let him stay in our condo, which is a no no dapat!

Then I broke up with him, not because I don't love him but because I don't want commitment. It's a big responsibilty and it's too hard to handle. anf maybe, just maybe, natatakot ako na sobrang maattach and baka dumating yung araw na ako na yung sobrang nagmamahal, tapos siya yung biglang bumitaw, na mas masakit.

Now, bestfriend ko nalang muna siya. oo, nagregret ako na ginawa ko yun. Pero ayoko pa rin na makipagbalikan. I know I'll get hurt if makakahanap siya ng bago, pero I'll be fine, I'll be happy for him pa. Dito naman talaga kami nagstart, as bestfriends.

AND my message for him; Sana wag mo akong iwan, as you said before. Sorry if hindi ko pa kaya. Natatakot lang talaga ako siguro ako masaktan ng sobra sobra. Ambigat ng feeling ko ngayon, kasi I super miss you na. 4 weeks na tayong di nagkakasama eeee. I want to talk to you like before na eee.. Wala na kasi akong napagsheshare-an ng mga stories ko eee :( Kaso hindi pa kasi bukal sa loob mo na friends nalang muna tayo. I really miss you. As in. Mahal na mahal kita, kaso mas nangingibabaw ang takot sakin. Sorry.