and that was the last day

before this day happened, I mean night, I talked to God and asked for a sign. I said, if Clarkson will be wearing his violet polo, he likes me, if he is wearing his violet polo shirt, it means he doesn't, but if he is wearing a black one, it means I am going to say what I feel for him. So that's it. before I woke up, I dreamt that he is wearing black. Then after I took a bath, I saw a reminder from my phone that It is the last day of our eng12. While I was taking the shower, wala na isip ko yun e, but when I saw the reminder, shit, nawasak puso ko dun. shitness! So ayun, like the old times, I laugh away my worries, I am super happy that day before eng12, my classmate was saying pa nga, "last day kasi" and I was like trying to ignore what they are saying. So eto na, english time. We went to our room earlier than the usual time kasi we were dismissed early. So ayun, before he arrived, I tried to laugh away my worries again, and then I saw him, my heart was broken into pieces, My world stopped. He was wearing BLACK! :((. So we entered the room and passed our final paper. Then we wrote something for our kulang kulang thing, he was there. And when I finished my work, I don't want to leave, I never want to leave the room, but I need to, I had my last glimpse of him, a glimpse of sadness, because I know I won't be able to see him anymore.

My term of kilig is now over, It was over since the time I opened the door and stepped out. I know, if its meant to be, it will. I guess,we were never meant to be. Thank you for being my inspiration kahit na hindi mo alam, and I wish you knew.

Now I know that it is hard to love someone who will never love you and I have learned that it is possible to say goodbye to someone who was never yours :(

I will always remember that someone named clarkson once tickled my heart and partially broke it.

re-blog :)

Read it from tumblr. Just wanna save it here, cause it's so me. AS IN!

Have you ever been angry or sad, to the point where you just break down at home, in your room? Your parents don't know because you keep the tears to yourself, and you cry silently. Your friends don't know because you talk as if you're fine and dandy behind the computer screen. Well you're not fine and dandy, and you know it. No one really knows how you feel, and they have their own lives to deal with, so you don't bother telling them. You bottle it up, and store it with all of the other problems or troubles, forever to be kept deep within.

:))

I don't want to expect

There, we already saw kung san kame nominated. And sad to say, kalaban ko si Giselle. Kaibigan ko. I don't want to expect na to win, pero andito na ako eh, andun pain yung part na nageexpect na mananalo ako. I hate it :(

confident!

mas confident ako ngayon na sabihin na masaya ako. Na nakapagmove on na ako. KEri ko na :)

tiring sunday

I woke at around 5:45 am. Then I went to Mcdo at around 7am. Dapat take out lang ako, kasi ang usapan 8:00 am, eh sa shaw pa ang meeting place. Then my boss texted me na it was moved to 9am, so nagdine in nalang ako ng crispy chicken fillet, and it was half cooked! nagreklamo na ako, pinalitan, pero half cooked parin yung pinalit. Hindi na ako nagreklamo, Kinain ko nalng. wtf?!

Then ayun, mineet na namin yung boss then pumunta na kame ng carmona. A part of cavite daw siya. Then ayun, tour, picture picture ng mga bahay then orientation. Natagalan kame kasi may dumating na client yung isa pa nameng kasama, e isa lang ang dalang van, kaya yun, we waited for them, di na nga ako nakaattend ng mitmc meeting eh. tsk! Pero pinakain naman nila kame ng lunch

at around 3:30pm kame umuwi. medyo traffic sa slex kasi may dalawang truck na nagslide sa road. magkahiwalay na nangyari kaya nakarating kame ng manila ng mga past 5?

Then diretso ako ng trinoma, alone, para bumili ng cheap na shoes. HAHA. sira na kasi shoes ko dahil sa ulan eh. grrr! ayun, bumili then kumain magisa. at narealize ko,malungkot palang magisa.

Sunday, family day. Andami kong nakitang magkakasamang family. Nainggit ako, syempre. pero inisip ko, minsan din naman kameng naging masaya, at di pa tapos ang buhya namen, tsaka inisip ko nalang din na nung magkakasama kame, baka may naiinggit din samen. :)

I never thought that was real!

September 8, 2008. I will never forget this day. It was our dismissal when I checked my phone, and an unknown no. appeared, and I have a rext from her. I forgot what she had texted me first. What I can remember is, she told me that " ikakaskas mo puke mo sa pader". She was the mom of my ex( manliligaw ko kasi siya nung nangyari to). My God, of all na makakaaway ko, or umaaway sakin, nanay pa niya! Grabe, I was really shocked when I read that. Her mom is telling me to get out of Jon's life, na i'm a cheap girl and parang pinapalabas pa niya na pokpok ako. wtf right?! But why am I typing this blog. Kasi, awhile ago, we we're in the apartment of keith's cousin. Then yun, he said " ai. di naman kayo kilala na ate, ai hindi, kilala ka niya Joanah, kasi nga friend sila ni Dr. Sulio, eh alam niya yung ginawa sayo ng mama ni Jon, kasi magkaibigan si ate at si Dr.Sulio" somewhat like that. God, nashock talaga ako. I though Jon was just lying when he told me na his tito knows what her mom did to me. I never though it was real. Kulang talaga ako sa trust. TSK. pero it proves na he really did love me. LOVED me, yeah, past tense! may bago na siya eh :))

going back to mu school :)

It seems that everytime I go home, I always wanna go back to the place where I have spent 11 years of my life, My beloved Saint Louis School. It's good to know that everytime I came back there, I feel like I'm always welcome. It's funny pa nga that they are calling me sexy, it flatters me, even though I'm not, because I'm chubby. Saint Louis School Teachers never failed to make me laugh. Oooh. Especially sir bangad, sh**. I really missed sitting inside our room and talking with him. He never changed. I love him! HAHA! I will, and will always be a PROUD LOUISIAN! ghaad! sana lang wag maubos mga kakilala kong teachers dun. dameng bago eh.