Ever feel so fine, then suddenly you're not, then you start to think of someone, then you go back to reality, you're ok again, then again not, then you feel like crying, and you ask yourself, but you don't know the reason.
I tried to preoccupy myself. I tried to make myself busy. I tried not to think of what I feel. I am trying my best to escape reality. But I guess, it's hard. Reality is one of the things we can't escape.
One of the reasons why I don't want to fall in love again, is because, I know, that they will end up getting tired and leave me. I don't know if I fell, all I know is that, I was already attached to him, I got used to the fact that he'll be there for me, listening to me and whatever.
I have already accepted the fact, that we can never be more than friends ,but what I can't understand is that, why does it feel that there is something wrong? ambigat ng pakiramdam ko. It feels like there's an unfinished business between the two of us. Or maybe I have made the same mistake I made before. Not explaining myself, not fighting for what I feel, and just letting him go, even though I know, that he is special to me.
Natatakot akong masaktan uli. Ayoko na. Tinigil ko na agad to para less yung sakit. I let him go para malessen yung pain, pero bakit ganun, masakit parin? pero siguro mas ok na, kasi kung magtatagal pa, mas maaattach ako sakanya, mas masakit. Ang isa pang masakit, walang may alam ng nararamdaman ko. Mahirap magtago, mahirap din ishare sa iba kasi parang wala namang makakaintindi ng sitwasyon ko. I am always misunderstood. Gusto kong sabihin sakanya na nasasaktan ako, pero bakit? bakit ako nasasaktan at bakit ko pa sasabihin sakanya, it doesn't matter anymore. He's already happy with his life, why bother?
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