Lilisanin na ang kinagisnang tahanan

Di ko alam kung dapat ba akong maging masaya kasi natupad na ng papa ko na magkaroon siya ng baging bahay o hindi. Lumaki ako na doon ako nakatira,oo,malapit lang naman yung dati naming bahay sa bago ngayon,kaso, andami kasing memories sa bahay na yun e. Dun kami lumaking magkakapatid. Witness yung bahay na yun sa pagunlad ni papa atng iba pa naming kamaganak. Dun namatay si lolo at si lola. Dun kame naglaro ng mga kaibigan ko nung bata pa ako. Dun kame nAgaaway ng mga kapatid ko. Dun kame nagsasamang pamilya kapag pasko,araw ng mga patay at kung may special gatherings. Saksi yung bahay na yun sa kalungkutan ko. Sa lahat ng nararamdaman nameng magkakapatid na hindi alam ng mga magulang namen, madame kameng nagawa sa bahay na yun, maraming aral na natutunan. Pero ngayon,lilisanin na namen, wal naman kaming magagawa. Ang hirap kasi, sa iabng place ka na gigising, na everytime na uuwi kame, iba na ang uuwian nameng bahay. Kung may puso lang yung bahay, sigurado at iiyak yun.mahirap pero kailangan:(

he'll be 12 hours away

so Jon texted me. I think It was a gm or something, pero I replied na din kasi he texts seldom nalang. So like almost all texts, he ask if How am I, and so on. Then he asked pa nga if I have a boyfriend na daw, I said, wala pa, which is wala naman talaga :) then ayun, bigla nalang niyang sinabi na,lilipat na daw siya next year 1st sem, I asked where and why. They are going back to ilocos na daw because no one will look after them because his mom and dad are OFWs or they are working abroad.

It's a sign na, right? That we can't be together anymore, that maybe, our last meeting will be on the 30th of December, our grand alumni homecoming. It's a precaution that I should stop hoping that we will still be together in the near future. aw:(

missing piece

After a tiring day. I am here in front of my laptop again. Blogging this stupid shit .Typing words I don't even know if it has any sense. Well, my point is, I want to talk to him. It feels like I want to text him, and tell him, "hey, I'm in town" but I'm thinking what if he says "so what", or "that's good" and "so?". There's no reason for him to know I'm here. He doesn't even care. I think he already has a girlfriend, and why bother, right? And what's my reason to talk to him. But I want him to call me, right now, I wanna hear his voice, I wanna hear his laugh. I wanna end everything. I want to tell him everything I wanna say. I just want to end this. But how? :(

a phone call

I was at errol's place. His dad died because of tipus. We were infront of his dad's tomb. We were talking about random things then his tita asked him if Jon(my ex) already visited. Errol told her tita that Jon haven't visited yet and he doesn't know whta happened. So when I got home, I texted him. i told him that his father died and I asked him to visit errol. He already replied the other day. I had a missed call from him a text saying "HAHAHAH". then I asked him, what's funny? Then he said, nothing and he infromed me that he already visited errol. Then the night of that day, he texted and and asked if I was busy, I said no, he asked If he can call me, I said yes, he said again, "sagutin mo ha?" I said, OK. Then there we talked for, I think, 15 minutes because the line was disconnected.

While we're talking, it's as if we didn't have a past broken relationship. It was an ideal phone call. Laughing, joking, teasing without the "ilang" factor. While he was talking, I was remembering the past, I was thinking the what if's in my head again. what if we have been like this before? Our realtionshiop could have better and lasted.

But after the phone call, I have realized, we are better if we are frinds, JUST FRIENDS.as they say, Lovers wont be friends unless they don't have feelings for each other anymore.

oo. masakit na nawala na yung pagmamahal at masakit tanggapin na hindi na kame magkakabalikan, pero masaya ako, kasi nakamove on na ako, masaya na siya at nakamaove on na siya. at friends na kame at tanggap na namin na hindi na talagang pwedeng maging kame. pero sana sa future, sana may pagkakataon pa na baguhin ko or icorrect ko yung mga mistakes na nagawa ko sakanya, hindi man kame sa huli, sana mabigyan lang ako ng second chnace para maiparamdam ko naman yung mga hindi ko naiparamdam sakanya noon.

kung may mamahalin ako sa future, kung magkita man kame sa future at nandun parin yung pagmamahal na yun, ikaw parin ang mamahalin ko. at please, tandaan mo, napakalaking bahagi ka ng buhay ko. Promise!

and that was the last day

before this day happened, I mean night, I talked to God and asked for a sign. I said, if Clarkson will be wearing his violet polo, he likes me, if he is wearing his violet polo shirt, it means he doesn't, but if he is wearing a black one, it means I am going to say what I feel for him. So that's it. before I woke up, I dreamt that he is wearing black. Then after I took a bath, I saw a reminder from my phone that It is the last day of our eng12. While I was taking the shower, wala na isip ko yun e, but when I saw the reminder, shit, nawasak puso ko dun. shitness! So ayun, like the old times, I laugh away my worries, I am super happy that day before eng12, my classmate was saying pa nga, "last day kasi" and I was like trying to ignore what they are saying. So eto na, english time. We went to our room earlier than the usual time kasi we were dismissed early. So ayun, before he arrived, I tried to laugh away my worries again, and then I saw him, my heart was broken into pieces, My world stopped. He was wearing BLACK! :((. So we entered the room and passed our final paper. Then we wrote something for our kulang kulang thing, he was there. And when I finished my work, I don't want to leave, I never want to leave the room, but I need to, I had my last glimpse of him, a glimpse of sadness, because I know I won't be able to see him anymore.

My term of kilig is now over, It was over since the time I opened the door and stepped out. I know, if its meant to be, it will. I guess,we were never meant to be. Thank you for being my inspiration kahit na hindi mo alam, and I wish you knew.

Now I know that it is hard to love someone who will never love you and I have learned that it is possible to say goodbye to someone who was never yours :(

I will always remember that someone named clarkson once tickled my heart and partially broke it.

re-blog :)

Read it from tumblr. Just wanna save it here, cause it's so me. AS IN!

Have you ever been angry or sad, to the point where you just break down at home, in your room? Your parents don't know because you keep the tears to yourself, and you cry silently. Your friends don't know because you talk as if you're fine and dandy behind the computer screen. Well you're not fine and dandy, and you know it. No one really knows how you feel, and they have their own lives to deal with, so you don't bother telling them. You bottle it up, and store it with all of the other problems or troubles, forever to be kept deep within.

:))

I don't want to expect

There, we already saw kung san kame nominated. And sad to say, kalaban ko si Giselle. Kaibigan ko. I don't want to expect na to win, pero andito na ako eh, andun pain yung part na nageexpect na mananalo ako. I hate it :(